Scrapbook of Souls

Agony and Rapture Chapter 11

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 07:16:45 GMT

Balance was almost lost as I tried to regain my footing. An arm shot out, a strong hand grabbing my upper arm and pulling me back. I think I almost got whiplash from that, but that was completely forgotten when I was looking up at Doumeki; a blush must have been appearing on my face.

Yuuko giggled from behind me, and I would have turned to yell if I hadn't been completely frozen to the spot right now. And unfortunately, things like this had been happening a lot recently.

"Doumeki," I said in a low volume, as he looked me over; yet another thing to add to the list of things that were frustrating me that night.

"Let's go," he said in his usual monotone, turning around to walk away, his hand still gripping my arm.

I followed, silently at first, but soon I began yelling for him to let go.

"I can walk on my own, you know!" I declared, flailing about.

He stopped walking, and looked back at me, then to his hand on my arm. Then he finally let go.

I sighed, "Idiot."

Doumeki rolled his eyes, then turned around and began walking once more.

What shocked me was, after his hand was gone and he had started walking again, I wanted his hand back.

I quickened my pace as we walked out the gate, until I fell into step with the stoic boy.

I slipped my hand in his and looked up at him, still walking.

"So...where are we going?" I asked, nervously. I had never acted this way towards Doumeki, never, not until he started tutoring that girl in his class, and now I didn't want to yell as much. And more than ever, I wanted his touch, so I gave his hand a light squeeze as I waited for his answer.

"You'll see," was his frustratingly short reply. But I should have guessed he wouldn't tell me. He rarely strung four words together in a sentence and usually not even full sentences.

We continued walking down the street in almost complete silence, and it was already starting to get dark- normal for a fall evening. Well, really, it was almost winter now. And Doumeki was right about one thing; I had indeed needed my jacket, though it probably would have been better if I had worn a heavier coat or something.

And my mind rambled on as I tried to figure out where Doumeki was taking me that night. He could be taking me out to eat, or the movies or something. That is where people usually went when they were on a date, right? I had never been on a date before, but that seemed to be what other people did, and I couldn't really think of anywhere else Doumeki would want to bring me. Really, he had to be about as romantic as a rock.

"We're here," he monotoned. I hadn't realised that he had stopped walking until I felt a light tug on my hand.

I turned back to look at him, then around at the destination. My jaw dropped. Doumeki hadn't really had enough time to plan something like this out, right? No way, he had only asked me out this morning. Though I guessed that it could have been a spur of the moment thing.

I looked up, up, and up some more at the 60-story building before me. The Tokyo Sunshine 60 Building.

There were spirits... everywhere.

I clung tightly to Doumeki for a moment, before realising that the spirits weren't going to bother me, they actually seemed to be ignoring me. It was probably because I was with Doumeki.

"Are you hungry? Want to eat first?" he asked, looking at me as I took my head away from his arm (I seemed to have burried my head in his jacket for a moment, and I felt very embarassed about that, but Doumeki said nothing of it).

I slowly nodded as an arm went around my waist while Doumeki was ushering me into the building, and then to one of the many restaurants. It seemed that he had already decided which one he wanted to go to before hand. Doumeki must have had everything planned out...

Everything down to what we were eating too it seemed. As soon as Doumeki talked to the host at the restaurant, they already had a table ready, and everything was already made. When the hell had he had the time to get all this set up?

Because of the set up, dinner went by much faster then I had wanted it to, and we were soon wandering about the higher level floors looking in shops, going on rides, and just about anything we could think of doing.

After a few hours, we headed toward the planetarium (after having ice cream). This building really had everything, and I had never been here before. I never really had the money to come here, and it was weird with Doumeki paying for me.

We looked up at the fake stars, though they seemed so real. Even though we were indoors, it was hard to really tell the difference. But it was late already, some time after eleven, and I wasn't sure when this place closed, but most likely soon.

Doumeki had an arm around my shoulder as we sat looking up at the artificial stars. It was so quiet, and for once, I didn't know what to say. Though it was sort of nice just sitting there.

"Doumeki?" I said, looking up at the ever stoic teen.

He looked back at me, but didn't say a word, waiting for me.

"I'm starting to get tired, maybe we should go back to Yuuko's."

A nod. How frustrating, but at least he was listening though.

I was about to stand up, just as Doumeki took my hand. I blinked, looking back at him as he place a ring in my open hand.

"A promise ring," he explained.

My eyes went wide. I had no idea what to do with it, and I couldn't help but think it was kind of lame, but... Doumeki? I had never expected Doumeki to do something like this. He had planned this night very well.

"What's that?" I asked, my eyes never leaving the silver object in the palm of my hand.

"It means that I promise to love you, and only you, forever," he said, as if I should already know.

I finally looked back at him, "What? You... love... me?"

A nod. I couln't say anything, I didn't know what else to say.

After a few minutes, he stood up, and I was staring at his back.

"You don't want it?" he asked.

I blinked again.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, standing up and walking up behind him.

I put a hand on his shoulder and he turned around and took the ring once more, but this time he slipped it on my finger.

I must have been blushing, and who wouldn't blush now?

"Doumeki..."

Before I could say anything else, his lips were already pressed against mine. The perfect ending, to the perfect night.

I drew away, and let my head against his neck, "Doumeki..." I said in almost a whisper into his neck, breathing heavy on his flesh, "I love you."

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 10

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 13:56:50 GMT

'Oi, wake up.'

'My... name is... not 'oi'.'

I didn't want to wake up yet. I was having a hard time opening my sleep-heavy eyes. With a yawn, I rolled over to sneak a peek at the owner of the voice, only slightly opening my eyes, an arm over my forehead.

Doumeki!

My eyes went wide, and Doumeki was pulling me close, his hands tightly holding my shirt. He was actually glaring at me?

'Why did you do that? Why did you go out last night, even though Yuuko told you not to?'

I wasn't prepared for a question like that, I had expected him to yell at me about slipping into his futon last night. I hoped that wouldn't come up later.

I swallowed, just staring at him for a moment, before he shook me.

'I... had to see you.'

'Why?'

'I couldn't stand you ignoring me.'

I tried to look away, my eyes filling with tears again, 'I need you, Doumeki. I..'

My words were cut short as a hand reached my cheek. For a moment, we just stared at each other without blinking, as if this were some sort of contest.

'You, what?'

Why was it so hard to say what I wanted to say? I had said it so easily to Haruka, but with his grandson next to me... in a bed... under the covers...

I hid my face behind my arms, and Doumeki was quick to pull them away.

'You're blushing,' he stated in his usual monotone.

'Stop it, let go,' I pleaded, trying to pull my arms away, but instead, he was pulling me back against him. He pulled me close enough that I could no longer use my arms to cover my face.

A hand reached the back of my head, gently smoothing my hair.

'Doumeki...'

My heart was beating so fast, and we were so close, it was as if we were sharing the same heartbeat. And this time, he was the one to kiss me.

My eyes widened. I hadn't even needed to say anything. He must have known already.

'Yuuko-san called you last night to tell you I was running out?' I asked after we broke away.

Doumeki nodded, 'Watanuki?'

'Yeah?'

'The test that I was helping the girl in my class study for was yesterday, so I can be with you at lunch again.'

I don't think I had ever heard him say that much at once, and I smiled.

'I'm glad.'

'Are you busy tonight?'

'What... Um.. I don't know.. I'll have to ask Yuuko-san. Why?'

'I want to take you out.'

I think I was blushing more, and all he did was run his hands through my hair as I nodded, 'Alright, let's go out then.'

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'Yuuko-san! I don't want to wear that! And it's not like we are going anywhere fancy anyway!'

'But it looks so cute on you Watanuki-kun!' Yuuko said, still adjusting the obi on my waist. Stupid fancy kimono. A woman's kimono at that. I didn't want to wear it at all.

'I don't want to wear this! I am NOT a girl! Stop it! Get out, I am taking this ridiculous thing off. It's okay for you to wear this, but not me!'

I shooed Yuuko and the dancing and singing Maru and Moro out of the room. I don't know how she had gotten that on me to begin with. I was just getting out of the shower and all of a sudden... It was just there, and I didn't want to think about that...

I pulled the kimono off and threw it onto the bed, looking for something a bit more comfortable to wear. It seemed that all I really had was my school uniform and a few other things. I wondered if I should go to my apartment to look for something to wear.

What had Doumeki said earlier? Oh, that's right, it would be cold, so I should wear a jacket. When did he become my mother? Gah! Why did everyone have to be so frustrating!

Jeans, t-shirt, jacket. That was good enough for me. The next thing would be to wait for Doumeki to get here. Or was I supposed to go to his place? Oh my god! What if we were supposed to meet up? Had he told me where we were going? I didn't even remember! Maybe Yuuko knew!

I ran out of the room, still pulling on my shirt and yelling out for Yuuko.

'There's no reason to yell, I'm right here.'

And sure enough, she was standing right next to the door. She had been waiting for me. Evil woman...

'Did Doumeki say where he was meeting me? Did he say where we were going?' I asked in a panic, not stopping to take a breath until everything was out.

Said evil woman began to laugh before saying, 'Doumeki didn't tell me anything.'

But somehow I knew that she knew exactly what was going on. She always did.

Doumeki hadn't said anything to Yuuko? I didn't believe her for a second. He could have easily asked her not to say anything, and knowing Yuuko, she would leave out any details unless I was willing to pay for them. It would probably be best just to leave this as a surprise for now. Of course, I still didn't know if he was getting me or if I was meeting him.

I paced the hall a bit, trying to decide what to do, mentally counting all the wood panes in the floor.

One...two...three...

After what seemed like forever, I went to the front of the shop, just as Yuuko called for sake. I swore under my breath before going to find her an unopened bottle in her storeroom.

'That woman drinks way too much,' I said to myself as I pulled a dusty bottle off the self. All of them were pretty dusty. I wondered how long she collected these? And she drank so often, I wondered why some were even dusty at all.

Why now? Why was she asking me just before I could run out of the shop again? Was something going on? She had to know something. I almost forgot about the bottle, and I almost dropped it too.

My grip tightened as I walked out of the storeroom and down the hall to the room that Yuuko was launghing about in.

She took a long drag from her pipe, her eyes not leaving me.

'You know something, don't you?' I asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

A smile reached her lips, but she said nothing.

I sighed, and quickly went to the kitchen to get her a glass before going back to the room she occupied.

I poured the alcohol; she still stared.

'What the hell are you staring at me for?'

She looked like she was ready to burst out laughing, and all it did was make me angry. I held the glass out for her, but when she reached for it, I drew back slightly so that she missed the glass by just a few inches.

'Give me the glass, you tyrant!' she complained.

'What are you hiding from me? Why were you staring? Why do you look like you are about to laugh?'

She stared at me for a moment before finally saying, 'There's a little black smudge on your cheek.'

She even licked a finger and went to clean it off.

'I know that's not it, Yuuko-san,' I replied, stepping back again.

She eyed me for a minute before taking the glass, this time before I could react. I sighed again, setting the bottle down on the floor near her.

'I'm going now,' I stated and turned around.

'I need snacks first. Karinto should be good.'

I stared at her for a moment. Why was she going to make me cook now when I was about to go out with Doumeki? She was stalling, I knew she was. Maybe she knew I was supposed to be waiting for Doumeki? Or was she just trying to make me late? Never can tell with that evil woman.

I walked to the kitchen, looking through the cabinets for the needed ingredients. I mentally ran a list through my head. I was going to be pissed if I had to go to the store now.

'Lets see... flour...baking powder...milk..salt..an egg...brown sugar... Good, all here.'

'We want to help!' Maru and Moro exclaimed, running into the kitchen, and Mokona bouncing onto my head.

My eyes narrowed, 'NO WAY! You will just get in the way! I don't have time for this!'

I don't know what I threw at Mokona, but he hopped out of the kitchen, complaining about how mean I was, as the two souless girls stared at me for a minute.

'What's wrong with everyone? Yuuko, and now you. Why are you staring?'

The girls didn't answer. All they did was turn to look at each other, giggle, and then leave the room. They were all acting so weird right now. Something was going on, and I was going to find out.

'Hurry up, Watanuki-kun, I'm hungry!' Yuuko yelled from the other room.

I growled, looking for vegetable oil and began making Yuuko's snack. Good thing it didn't take long to make. I hoped I wasn't making Doumeki wait.

I set everything up, and a few minutes later, I was still thinking about what sort of thing they were hiding for me.

It took me a few minutes to notice the pieces of dough were sticking together.

'Damn it!' I yelled, trying to separate them, and I could hear the girls giggling more in the hall. Were they trying to distract me? I wasn't going to let the snack burn!

Not long later I was bringing the snack to Yuuko, and I practically burned my hands on it too. Damn...

'I'm going NOW!' I yelled this time, turning to walk away, only to bump into something big.

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Agony and Rapture Half Chapter

Sun, 25 Nov 2007 21:57:08 GMT

Here is a little peice from Doumeki's POV somewhere in the middle of the story. A little angsty drabble-type thing for you until chapter 10 is done, enjoy!

Doumeki swept the courtyard at the temple where he lived. A chore he did almost every morning for years.

It was a chilly fall day, and leaves were falling to the ground, giving him more work as he pushed the dry, fragile leaves into a pile.

Then he was at that spot again. The spot where Watanuki had gotten caught into the web one day, almost a year ago. The day he had destroyed the spiders web to help Watanuki. He had lost his eyesight in his right eye later that day, but soon Watanuki had done something stupid, to get Doumeki's eyesight back.

Doumeki had hated it.

He had given up half his eyesight for Watanuki, and later quite a large amount of his own blood to keep Watanuki alive. Yet Watanuki continued to act the same towards him.

Doumeki didn't want to be Watanuki's rival, at the very least, Doumeki wanted to be friends. But Watanuki still yelled, still called him an idiot, and didn't seem to appreciate Doumeki's efforts at all. How could someone that was always helping others still think only of himself in situations like this? And why did Doumeki still like him? Why did Doumeki still continue to be around?

Why?

"I think it's better when it is just me and Himawari-chan. I don't want you to think I need you around or anything, whether or not she is bad luck! And she is not bad luck to me! When I see her face, it makes me happy! Unlike some people I know!"

Doumeki sighed, looking over at the gate. Watanuki had actually said that. Watanuki never paid any attention to... well anything. He had a hard time figureing things out for himself, he never looked at the big picture, and he rarely took interest in the details either.

There was one thing Doumeki did know, he loved Watanuki, and he would wait. He would wait as long as it took for Watanuki to realise this, but he was going to let Watanuki figure it out himself. Watanuki needed to learn things on his own, that was the only way for him to be ready.

And Doumeki still had that girl to tutor.

It didn't matter to him if Watanuki thought that he was ignoring the bispectacled teen. In truth he wasn't really. Doumeki wasn't acting differently at all, it was Watanuki that was acting different. And the way Watanuki was changing, Doumeki could see it, and he could only hoped that it would be enough.

Agony and Rapture Chapter 9

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 02:00:12 GMT

I don't really think I needed to run, but that's what I had done anyway. The only sound that could be heard were my school dress shoes on the paved road.

It couldn't be that late, but it was silent, so silent, and my footsteps echoed. No matter how quiet I tried to be my footsteps were as loud as an old car engine. Annoyingly loud.

I wasn't sure when I started to slow down, but for some reason I had to quiet my steps. It just seemed wrong to be making this terrible racket when people might be sleeping, though that was only half the reason.

I was still tired. I couldn't keep up the sprint, and eventually I stopped, leaning a hand against the wall to catch my breath.

I felt weak. The point of coming out was to go to see Doumeki, but could I make it like this?

I turned around until my back faced the wall, sliding down until I was sitting on the cold pavement. Freezing was a better word. It was so cold, and it was only autumn, wasn't it?

I pulled my jacket tighter around me as a breeze picked up. It started slow, and then the wind began to blow harder until my hair seemed to be standing sideways as it was whipped about by the relentless force.

It was like the wind was telling me that I could not give up here.

So, slowly, I stood back up looking in the direction I would be walking. I would not let anything else stop me. It didn't matter how tired I was; I had decided I was going to go see Doumeki, that I was going to tell him how I felt, and that was all that mattered.

But the wind was coming from the direction I was traveling in. It wasn't telling me not to give up, it was telling me to turn back, or more like forcing me to with how powerful the gale was. I almost felt like I would drift away.

"Are you the one with the eyes?" came a voice that glided to him on the wind itself. A small, gentle voice, but it didn't seem at all friendly.

"What?" I question, looking aroud for the owner of the voice. I hoped beyond hope that I had not passed out again.

"You can hear me... you know I am here... you must be the boy... that can see us... I will... have your... power!"

The wind picked up once more, and this time I flew against the wall with a painful thud.

Why did this have to happen when I was finally on my way to talk to Doumeki? I just had to be attacked by some sort of evil spirit. I was going to die here, wasn't I? I would be eaten, and there was nothing I could do but wait for it to happen.

So I closed my eyes and waited for it, pain surging through my body already. I would never be able to tell Doumeki.

"Are... you afraid?" Came the voice again, traveling on the wind as it had before, "I will devour you quickly... I do not... have time to... linger."

The voice now echoed in the air, I could feel the voice inside me, as the pain intensified. It was all over.

And then there was a flash of light, a blinding light that I could see with my eyes still closed, and the wind died down.

I opened my eyes again, looking right, then left.

Down the road I saw him.

"Dou...me...ki," I started, I tried to stay awake, I couldn't pass out here. I was tired, and in so much pain, it would be easier just to let myself go here. But I had to talk to him.

"Yuuko-san... She told you I was coming, didn't she?" I asked as he reached me. I couldn't move, I didn't have the energy.

He nodded, dropping his bow next to me, "You're such an idiot, Watanuki."

I looked up at him, ready to yell at him for calling me an idiot, but then I just realised; he had said my name. He usually only said 'hey you' or sometimes just 'you', but he had actually said my name.

"I've gotta get you back to her place." He said, gently lifting me off the ground.

"Doumeki?"

"Hn?"

"Will you... stay this time?"

He raised an eyebrow, looking me over.

"You must have hit your head hard."

"Doumeki... please, I... I need you. Please, stay with me." I pleaded with him. I never got to hear his answer as my world spiraled into blackness for a second time that day.

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"A wind spirit, huh?" I asked Yuuko later that night.

It must have only been a few hours later when I woke up, and I just couldn't go back to sleep. Yuuko was still awake, and there was already tea made, and she had been sitting out on the porch looking up at the stars.

She nodded, taking a long drag from her pipe.

"Um...Where is.."

"Doumeki-kun is sleeping."

"He didn't go home?"

She shook her head, "He wanted to stay here to make sure you were alright, but he was very tired, so I told him he should sleep."

"I can't believe... he actually stayed."

Yuuko looked up at me and smiled, "You need him here, don't you?"

I looked at her shocked for a moment, feeling my face turn red as I looked away, "I guess... I do."

"And you told him that?"

I nodded, and looked back at her, "I did."

"Good."

She took another drag of her pipe before turning back around and standing up, "You really should get some sleep Watanuki-kun. I expect breakfast early tomorrow!"

"WHAT!" I yelled back at her as she walked up beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Watanuki-kun is such a good boy."

"Ah.. Yuuko-san, what room is Doumeki sleeping in?"

"Oh! Watanuki-kun's such a naughty boy!"

"WHAT!? That's not what I meant at all!" I said, waving my hands around to emphasise my statement.

"He's sleeping in the room across the hall from yours."

She giggled and walked away, as I stood there staring at the sliding paper door for a moment.

He stayed. I felt my heart rate increase as I walked back into Yuuko's shop. Sure, I was happy, but at the same time dreading what he would say. But I guessed that Doumeki still being here was a good sign.

I opened the door to the room across mine, hearing the the soft breathing coming from the futon in the dark room. Swallowing hard, I walked into the room quietly closed the door, hoping not to wake him up.

I sat down next to the futon. He was lying on his back and I watched his chest rise and fall as he took in a breath and then let it out.

Doumeki. The one I cared about the most. Doumeki. The one I loved.

"Kimi...hiro..."

My eyes widened as I looked up to see his face. He was still asleep. Doumeki sleep talks? I almost laughed, but I didn't want to wake him up.

"Shizuka..." I whispered, pulling up the covers and slipping underneath them. I wanted to be as close to Doumeki as possible.

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 8

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 06:32:05 GMT

Why did I have to pass out at the most inopportune times...

I stared at Doumeki's grandfather for a moment, not sure what to say. But.. this was Doumeki's grandfather; who would know better about Doumeki Shizuka then Doumeki Haruka?

He was smiling, as he was always in a pleasant mood, just about every time I saw him him these dreams. I wished Doumeki Shizuka would smile more too.

"You look upset, Watanuki-kun. What's wrong?" Haruka asked, breaking the silence.

I looked up at him, a deep frown set on my face.

"It's about Shizuka, isn't it?" he asked with a sigh.

I only nodded in response, but I could feel the tears already. Haruka stepped forward, using a finger to dry my tears like he had before. Why couldn't his grandson do that? I couldn't believe I actually wanted Doumeki to be affectionate when not too long ago I was yelling at him for being such a jerk, a gluttonous jerk.

"He's been ignoring me, and I don't know why," I finally replied as the tears began to fall more freely."He won't even tell me what I did; he wants me to figure it out on my own."

"Did you say something to him that might have offended him?"

"Well, I always yell at him, but that never made him act like this before. I don't understand him at all, but I want him to talk to me. I need him."

Haruka nodded, "Then maybe you should tell him how you feel."

"Do you think that would help at all?"

"I'm sure it would. He is probably waiting for you to say so."

"Doumeki wants to hear me say that?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe," I repeated, looking at the ground. Could I tell him? Would he share those feelings? Or would he continue to ignore me?

"Haruka-san. It's weird, but... I think I might be in love with him."

And then he laughed. Haruka was actually laughing. Did he think it was weird that I might be in love with his grandson?

I looked away, feeling a bit embarrassed. I had actually said that, and I couldn't take it back.

He came closer still and I looked back at him as he patted my shoulder.

"You really are a good boy, Watanuki-kun."

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My eyes fluttered open. I was in a bed. The bed I used at Yuuko's. Were was Doumeki?

I stood up, letting my eyes adjust to the dim light as something fuzzy slid up my legs. It tickled.

"Mugetsu."

The little pipe fox rested at my neck and I patted him on the head.

I let out a sad laugh. I really had just admited that I was in love with Doumeki. Of course the person I had told had been dead for years, so he wouldn't be telling anyone soon, so it was more like I was admiting it to myself. And what scared me the most was that it was most likely true.

The pipe fox was nuzzling my neck now, and he seemed to be worried. I smiled, swinging my legs over the bed and standing up.

I was tired, very tired, and I didn't know if I should be out of bed right now, but I had to see Doumeki, I had to talk to him. No matter what, I had to see Doumeki now.

I walked down the hall to the door, looking for my shoes, and quickly slipping them on and tying the laces so I could go to the temple where Doumeki lived. I didn't know if I could make it, I was so tired, but I had to go!

"Watanuki-kun."

I turned around to see Yuuko, my eyes filling with tears again.

"I don't think you should be going out now, you should be in bed."

"I have to talk to Doumeki!" I yelled back.

I knew I didn't need to yell right now, that I was being impatient, over dramatic, and many more things I'm sure that would apply, but I simply did not care.

"Forgive me, Yuuko-san," I stated curtly, then ran out the door, letting the night engulf me.

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 7

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 01:21:25 GMT

Title: Agony and Rapture
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Doumeki starts tutoring a girl for math, he ends up spending more time with her, and less with Watanuki. Watanuki is NOT jealous. Really!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to clamp!
A/N: WARNING: The angst level may have decreased drastically in the previous chapter, but that does not mean that it is over! Watanuki still needs to figure out why Doumeki was upset with him. Doumeki is not as mad as he was in the begining, and though it may be hard to tell, he's missing Watanuki just as much as Watanuki is missing him. I'm sorry you can't get in his head in this one, but I decided to play the more challenging character. (Yes, I am much better with Doumeki.. Oddly enough)... Beta'd by the wonderful lehst, I love you so much!

The students around me stood up as the bell rang, all bowing in unision before packing up to go.

Himawari had told me earlier that she would be busy with club activities, so I was going to walk to Yuuko's shop on my own. I didn't want to be on my own.

My legs were walking, as if of their own accord, like the day I had first stumbled into Yuuko's shop two years ago.

I walked and walked until I reached the archery range, sitting near a large group of Doumeki fan girls. The most annoying group ever.

I sighed, why did they have to be here watching the kyuudo club practice? Even worse, what would they think if they saw me here? What was worse was, I didn't think it really mattered, I was just here to get the bento box so I could bring it back with me to Yuuko's. There was no other reason for me to be here.

I'm sure I had started to blush around then, because getting the bento box really wasn't the only reason that I was sitting here, waiting like an idiot. I wanted to see Doumeki.

He was on the line right now, bow aimed, string pulled back. He released; the arrow soared through the air, hitting dead center on the target.

He knocked another arrow, momentarily glancing at the crowd of watching fangirls, and he looked right at me. When he shot the bow this time.. It still hit the Bull's Eye but was very far to the side. He was distracted, by me?

I could hear the coach scolding him, telling him not to look away from the target. Doumeki only shrugged it off, saying nothing. The way he always did.

I shifted behind the crowd of girls a bit, hoping that he would not look back again, and if he did, he wouldn't see me there. But he already knew that I was there.

An hour later practice was finally over. I waited outside; he would be back out after he changed anyway, right?

Yuuko was going to kill me.

I saw Doumeki talking to another guy from kyuudo club not long later, so I waited where I was anyway. Would he come to me, or would I have to go to him? I didn't want to bother him while he was in the middle of a conversation, did I? It couldn't be much of a conversation anyway, this was Doumeki after all.

When I looked back, they were gone.

I stood up and looked around, no one was in sight.

I sighed and turned around to go to work, and my doom. Yuuko was going to be mad.

I turned around to look back again when I was halfway to the school gate, hoping to see Doumeki following, but nothing.

With yet another heavy sigh, I began walking again, only to bump into something large and solid, I fell back, but was pulled up by a strong hand.

"D- Doumeki," I stuttered, looking away from his face, my eyes fixed on the ground next to my left foot.

He handed me the empty bento box, and I looked up once more. As usual, his face was just as stoic as ever. I never knew what he was thinking. Why? Why did he have to be like this?

"H..How was it?" I finally managed to ask after a few moments of silence.

"Less soy sauce next time," was his quick, monotonous reply. Jerk.

"WHAT THE HELL! I was being nice making you that! The least you could do is say 'thank you' you big dumb jerk! You should be saying 'Thank you Watanuki-sama' and bow before me!"

"Idiot."

I stopped talking then as he let go of my arm and began to walk off again. Doumeki. I was the one pushing him away, right? And I knew I didn't want to watch him walk away again.

"Doumeki," I said, and he stopped again, not turning around.

I couldn't speak, but there he was in front of me, I staring at his back. The minute dragged on far longer then it should be able to. I hated it. I lunged foreward, putting my arms around him, and... he just stood there. He didn't even turn around to return my hug, he didn't say anything. He just let it happen.

"Doumeki..."

"Hn?"

"Why- why are you ignoring me?"

"You haven't learned anything, have you?"

I was shivering, but... It wasn't really cold out, was it?

I let go of Doumeki, taking a step back. My heart hurt, and it was getting harder to hold back tears again. I needed him, and why couldn't I say that? Why couldn't I tell him?

"WATANUKI! DON'T DISAPPEAR!"

A hand reached out of the darkness, grabbing at me. What the hell? Wasn't I just standing in the school yard with Doumeki?

But now there was darkness all around me, and then a man in a hakama that looked suspiciously like the boy I was talking to.

"Haruka-san!"

I was in a dream again. I must have passed out. But why did I have to pass out now?

"Watanuki, you need to wake up!"

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 6

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:44:45 GMT

"So you came crying to me, just like Nobita-kun," Yuuko said, the last part in almost a whispered and faded into laugher.

"I AM NOT CRYING!" I yelled back at her, waving my arms around, "and I didn't cry earlier either!"

"Oh no? Really, you should apologize to Doumeki-kun."

"I don't even know what I did, how am I supposed to apologize if I don't even know what is wrong?"

"Well, then maybe you should just ask him," she said. Her pointer finger started poking my cheek as she continued, "My, my, Watanuki-kun is a stubborn boy!"

"Stubborn boy!" Maru and Moro echoed.

I glared at the girls for a moment, and then with a sigh, went off to do my chores. Yuuko's dinner request followed me down the hall, along with an order of sake.

"You're going to have liver problems!" my voice echoed back down the hall.

"Is Watanuki-kun worried?"

"NO!"

I stomped into the kitchen, starting dinner. All the ridiculous things that Yuuko had asked me to make. Most of the items that she had listed for me to make were things that I had not made before, so I ended up looking for a recipe for them.

Luckily, Yuuko did own cook books.

But even with that small amount of help, the food took forever, and then Yuuko had more for me to do. I was all over the house that evening; scrubbing floors, dusting her treasure room, watering plants (I didn't even realise before today that she had a tiny garden, and it didn't really seem to be new or anything). I washed walls, re-painted one of the rooms, and replaced paper doors (why did they even need replacing?).

By the time I was done, it was after midnight, and I was completely exhausted.

With a sigh, I fell back onto my bed.

Mugetsu was snuggled up against the stuffed panda that lay atop one of my pillows. The stuffed panda that was supposed to cheer me up, but for some reason, it hadn't been working at all.

But wait...Yuuko NEVER gave gifts without some sort of payment, and I had not payed her for it, or had she just added that to the long list of other things that I owed her for? She hadn't said anything about it at all.

Then something caught my eye. The stuffed animal's tag, just below where Mugetsu's tiny head rested.

I gently lifted the toy, hoping not to wake the pipe fox that seemed to be sleeping so peacefully. He really was very cute.

I smiled at the pipe fox, and then looked at the tag, my eyes widened.

Written on the tag in kanji was 'Dou-me-ki'.

It was at that point that I realised, maybe I really was crazy.

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I awoke the next morning, the sun on my face, feeling the most pleasent I have felt in weeks.

Mugetsu was snuggled under my chin, his soft fur rubbing against my neck.

"Good morning," I said to the pipe fox, lightly patting him on the head. I still had the stuffed panda bear held to my chest, just above my heart. The bear that was really from Doumeki, and not from Yuuko.

From Doumeki. And I liked that. That was just... weird.

"Watanuki-kun! Mistress wants pancakes!"

I practically fell out of the bed when the two girls appeared. Mugetsu jumped back, making a startled sound. Poor thing.

I jumped out of bed and got dressed, after shooing the girls out of the room and scolding them for waking me up like that. I wasn't about to tell them that I had already been awake.

Once I was dressed, I gave the stuffed panda bear one last hug before I left the room.

Flour, baking powder, eggs, milk, butter, salt. What else would Yuuko like with her pancakes? Maybe some bacon..tea.. And she'd probably ask for alcohol, but there was no way in hell I was giving her alcohol this early in the morning.

I measured out the ingredients mixing the required ones in seperate bowls, before combining them and stirring them together.

Stove on, bacon being made on one side, the pancakes on the other. I added chocolate chips to the pancakes and shaped them into little bears. I was practically dancing about the kitchen, light as air, happy.

"My, it seems that Watanuki-kun's energy has returned. You came crying to me last night, like Nobita-kun, and now you look like a child that was just given a giant lollipop."

"I was NOT crying!" I yelled back at her, "And just so you know, I am in a good mood this morning, and you should be thanking me for these wonderful pancakes!"

I was serving her only moments later, one bite and she was asking me if I could make anything that was bad, completely in love with the breakfast before her.

I sighed, and glanced over at the clock.

"Damn! I'm gonna be late for school!" I exclaimed, running to the other room to get my bag and to the entrance to get my shoes.

"NO THANKS FOR SAYING GOODBYE!" trailed a voice behind me as I ran out the door, through the gate and down the street toward Cross Private High School.

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"Watanuki-kun is full of energy today!" Himawari exclaimed as I handed her one of the bento boxes I had made the night before.

I was feeling a lot better today, even if I hadn't had a chance to talk to Doumeki yet, but I knew I would soon.

We sat in our classroom, and it was just after a session with my teacher. She said my grades were starting to go back up again, and she wondered how much longer I would need to stay in here for lunch. That was good, yet another thing to add to the things that made me happy today.

Someone walked by the door, and I looked up from where I sat. I stood up and walked across the room, seeing Doumeki walking away. I ran back to the desk and picked up the third bento box. I had been making one for him every day, even though I hadn't been eating with him.

Then I ran back to the hall and followed him

"Dou-me-ki!" I called out.

He stopped. Not again, not again, not again. I froze once more as he turned around, the time between my heart beats decreased, yet it felt like the moment dragged on for eternity.

"I... I brought you lunch," I finally stuttered.

He must be busy, and I didn't want to be a nuisance or anything, so when he took the box and gave me a smile, I ended up blushing and running back to the classroom.

"Watanuki-kun? Something wrong?" Himawari asked.

"No, not at all," I replied, still panting a bit from the short run.

"You're blushing!" she commented, a bright smile on her face.

Why did people have to notice these things?

"It's nothing, Himawari-chan, really!"

I returned the smile and sat down by her, picking up my chopsticks and eating again. The bento box that I had given to Doumeki, belonged to Yuuko. I would have to get it back at some point, which meant... I'd have to talk to Doumeki later. Was I ready to talk to him yet?

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 5

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 21:53:52 GMT

I kept running, not looking back until I stopped to rest at the gate of my destination.

I bent over, panting, as I finally turned around to look back. He hadn't followed. I didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. My head currently stuck in an argument triggered by... that.. what happened only a few mere moments ago.

One side said I liked Himawari, kissing boys was weird, that Doumeki and I were just friends (and I didn't know how I had gotten friendship out of rivalry, because that was what we were, rivals). Barely even friends.

The other side was yelling at me for running, saying that I should have stayed back there to see what Doumeki's reaction would have been. Obviously, that was the side that lacked logic.

Then a third side piped in and dashed my spirits even more, claiming that Doumeki did not feel the same way. But wait.. The same way as what? I crossed my arms.

"I do not have a thing for Doumeki," I said aloud, trying to reassure myself that I was not going crazy.

"You and Doumeki-kun are really close, do you miss him?"

"What makes you think I'd miss that jerk?"

"You wrote his first name all over your notes."

I sighed at the memory. That had only happened just before class was over today, only about half an hour ago. So Himawari, my angel, already thought that I liked Doumeki. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

"Watanuki-kun! Are you just going to stand at the gate all day, or are you planning on coming to work sometime soon?" came a feminine and irritating voice behind me, ripping me from my thoughts.

I turned around to see Yuuko sitting on the porch, holding a pipe in one hand. She was back. I was happy, I wouldn't be so lonely with Yuuko around. Even if she irritated me, having her around was like... She was like family.

Before I could yell back my answer, she had dragged me into the shop by my ear.

"Ow, ow, ow! Yuuko-san! What are you doing?"

"You broke my table, Watanuki-kun! That was a nice table," the last part said in almost a whine. I sighed; I knew it.

"I fixed it already..." I said, trying to pull away from her grip so that I could rub my ear.

Yuuko then proceeded to list off what she wanted to eat that night, which ended up being a multi-course meal and a dessert, then a few rare and expensive wines. I sighed, but agreed. I needed to pay off the table anyway, even if I had fixed it, I hardly had a good reason to do what I had done in the first place.

"And, I want to know, did anything special happen today?" She asked, grinning like a cat.

I looked at Yuuko for a moment. She probably knew what happened already, why did I have to tell her? I would have to say something, and she wouldn't let me start working until I had told her exactly what had happened, giving her every last detail.

I sighed, thinking about what would be the best way to tell her, but of course I did tell her. She wanted everything from when I talked to Himawari to when I encountered Doumeki.

"You should appologize to him."

"For kissing him?" I asked.

She gave me an odd look, "Why would you appologize to him for that? That is not why he's been avoiding you the past couple of days."

He.. had been avoiding me? I placed my hands on my hips, my eyes narrowed, "What the hell? What did I do?"

She gave me another look, as if I should have known, but I couldn't recall what it was I had done. Needless to say, I had a hard time sleeping that night.

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The next day was Friday, and I couldn't have had a worse day. Everything went wrong at once. Bad hair day, destroyed breakfast (I had to cook it over and over again), I seemed to have 'lost' my homework (which I had actually left on a table at Yuuko's shop), Himawari was busy all day and I didn't get a chance to talk to her at all.

I saw Doumeki in the hall a few times, and each time I would turn around and walk in the opposite direction.

One part of the day, our eyes actually met, but it didn't last long. He was the one to break the stare and walk away. So, he was still avoiding me then. Why was he mad at me?

The dream came back to me again, and even if he didn't notice, I had followed him some of the way, just watching him.

Please...Stop ignoring me, Doumeki. It's killing me.

I shook my head. Why was this bothering me so much? Well, it did always make me angry or frustrated when he didn't answer my questions. But, anger was different, and he was constantly frustrating me. This wasn't anger at all, this was something different. I wanted him to talk to me, I didn't want to be ignored.

So I followed him. Down the stairs, across the school yard and on the road toward the temple.

I didn't know what I would say to him if I did catch up to him, but I kept walking anyway. How was I going to talk to him, how would I tell him what I was feeling, and how would I find out why he was mad at me? Would he even tell me?

I had the sudden urge to run up to him right now, to try to get him to listen to me, to tell him that I liked it when he was around... that I needed him. But when he did turn around to look at me, and I realised we were just in front of the temple, I froze. My courage had gone, and I was just stuck there in his gaze, just like yesterday.

He looked... angry, and I was ast a lose of words. But, I couldn't just run again.

I broke the gaze, looking at the ground, my heart pounding against my chest. It was all I heard other then my own breathing.

"Oi, why are you here?"

I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say, and after a few minutes, he turned around and walked onto the temple grounds without another word.

My heart dropped, breaking into thousands of pieces on the ground. I should have followed after him, I should have said something, but the words wouldn't come. I had never been at a loss of words like this before.

Something wet fell down my cheek, and I realised I was crying, and soon both cheeks were wet, and my glasses had fogged a bit. I took them off. They weren't helping right now anyway.

"Doumeki... please... come back," I said in a low voice. It wasn't loud enough for him to hear, he wasn't even outside anymore.

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 4

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 04:10:48 GMT

Title: Agony and Rapture
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When Doumeki starts tutoring a girl for math, he ends up spending more time with her, and less with Watanuki. Watanuki is NOT jealous. Really!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to clamp!
A/N: WARNING: There is a LOT of angst, and still more to come...Sorry to say it, but it is only going to get worse... Because I am some sort of terrible sadist...XD. Senket and I are known to be cruel to our characters during role play, and I've brought it over to my actual stories. Wrote chapter 4 while listening to Path (the end theme for Loveless, if you look up the lyrics, you might cry as well...) after watching episode 11 and 12... It was enough to make me almost cry.. So because I am sad, you will be sad too! So you have been warned, prepare thyself! PAIN! Beta'd by the wonderful lehst, I love you so much! The short little poem at the beginning is all my own.

An empty shell
A dark void
Blackness straight to my soul
Nonexistent, never-ending
Time has stopped
And I am left alone
Searching for you...

I stared at the sheet of paper in front of me for a long time, reading the poem that I had written over and over again. That had not actually been the assignment, right? I mean, I was supposed to write a poem for class, but I think it was supposed to be about a happy memory, wasn't it?

Yet somehow, this is what had come of it.

I stared blankly through it, not actually seeing the words written on it any longer, but feeling them in my heart, letting them sink into my brain. Pain, emptiness, longing. Longing?

The words written on that paper betrayed me. I had poured out myself onto that sheet. I had tried so hard to hide what I had really felt, but if I was alone, did it really matter if I acted like this?

Probably not.

Then something broke apart inside me, and I stood up, pushing the table over and reaching out for the paper, ripping it into shreads. How could I go from sadness to anger so quickly? The tiny pieces of my soul now torn apart and scattered about the room, slowly drifting to the floor.

The emptiness was now gone, filled with rage. It didn't matter to me at all that I would have to pay back Yuuko for the broken table, and either way, I would probably end up fixing it before she even returned from her trip. She probably already knew that I had just done that too. She knew too much.

When the moment of rage had ended, I went to a corner of the room, my back against the wall, and I slid to the floor, tears flowing once more.

What would he think if he saw me crying here now? Would he be sad? Would he regret what he had done? Would it matter to him at all?

Maybe I was going crazy. Maybe... I really did miss him... But could I ever think of him as a friend, when for so long I had considered him a rival?

The dream I had had last week. It seemed so long ago, but it had never faded. His footsteps, the silence, the distance between us ever increasing. The pain, the heart ripping pain. Exploding, igniting, burning deep inside of me. The way it sheared through me like scissors across a sheet of construction paper. And then I knew, the silence was killing me.

I was frustrated; I was angry; I was sad; I was lonely. Even if Maru and Moro were in the other room right now, and Mugotsu had floated into the room to wrap around my arm. I loved them, but it was not enough.

Another night eating dinner alone, washing the dishes in an all-too quiet house. I wondered what Maru and Moro were doing. They weren't following me around or anything, maybe they were napping right now? It had to be hard trying to keep the house up.

After eating, I set about trying to clean the room I had made a mess of earlier, and I remembered going to bed feeling rather drained, physically and mentally.

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Himawari was at school the next day, and just as bubbly and adorable as usual. She even sat with me at lunch, happily eating the bento I had made her. Unfortunately, lunch was in class for us because I had to stay and get extra help. I was surprised that she said she would stay there with me that day. She insisted that she needed some extra help as well.

I felt much better after that, but when we were back in class, I must have been daydreaming, because at some point, she had reached over to ask me if I was alright.

I jumped slightly, looking over at her with a smile.

"I'm fine, just tired," I whispered to her, wanting to fold my arms across my desk and lay my head on them to fall asleep right there. Of course, my teacher would not like that at all, so I tried to pull myself up straight.

"You and Doumeki-kun are really close, do you miss him?" she asked.

My jaw dropped and I turned to look at her again, "What makes you think I'd miss that jerk?"

"You wrote his first name all over your notes."

"Huh?" I replied, looking down at the sheet of paper in front of me. Sure enough, 'Shizuka' was written in slanted kanji all over the paper. What the hell?

"Watanuki-kun and Doumeki-kun are such good friends!" Himawari said with a bright smile on her face, just as the bell rang. I'm sure I was bright red as I stood up along with the other students and bowed.

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I saw him again as I walked home, feeling slightly lifted, but at the same time, down. I watched him walk toward the temple, purposely going that route, but not saying anything to him as I walked silently behind him.

I wondered if he knew I was there, but he probably did. He was Doumeki after all.

When he reached the temple, he stopped walking, and I almost bumped into him. I was about to yell when he turned around and just stared at me for a moment.

I felt frozen to the spot, my heart racing, my body temperature rising. What was going on?

The minute dragged on, my line of sight caught in his, and I couldn't bring myself to look away. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't I say anything? I was always the one that did most of the talking, right?

Then I did something really stupid. It was spontaneous, I hadn't even thought about doing it, and never thought to do it before this moment. The action even surprised me.

I leaned up, pressing my lips to his.

The action itself only lasted a few seconds before I realised what I had done, and turning a bright red, I pulled away and ran off in the other direction.

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 3

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 05:20:15 GMT

"Mistress is away, but she wants you to clean everyday anyway," said the soulless twins in unision.

I sighed, slumping back a bit.

"Did Yuuko-san say when she would be back?"

The girls shook their heads. No one was around now, but I could only hope that Himawari would not be too busy to have lunch with me. Just seeing that angelic face, her smile, that would make me feel better.

I turned around to leave, telling the girls that I would be back after school was over. They nodded and told me to have a good day.

Unfortunately, that was not meant to be.

Number one. Something was stalking me. I don't know what, but I never got to see it, but I could feel its eyes on me as I walked the normal route to school.

But my feet had a mind of their own, stopping direction infront of the temple where Doumeki lived.

I silently cursed, trying to get my feet to work again, to walk away. All I accomplished was turning away from the temple.

"Oi, what are you doing here?"

I almost fell over in surprise, but used the extra jump to swing around and look up with narrowed eyes, trying my best to look as angry as possible.

He stared at me for a moment, saying nothing. He was waiting for me to speak.

"What?" I yelled, "I walk this way to get to school! It's not like I was stopping here to see you or anything!"

Doumeki grunted, "Idiot."

Then he turned around and went to finish his chores before I could say anything else to him, but I yelled after him. My yells went completely ignored.

Then there was reason number two. Himawari was out sick. So I would be eating lunch alone again, two extra bentos to stare at as I sat in the grass under a tree. All alone.

Yes, I added the reasons as I went along during the day, let them pile up one a top the other. Not really a good idea. I seemed to find more and more. Anything and everything, starting with a broken pencil to a spilled canister of paint, and a walk under a ladder.

That was bad luck in western cultures, right? I think so, I'm sure Yuuko would have said something about it too, since she was the guru of all things related to luck. She was always full of unwanted information that she would make me pay for whether or not I asked for it.

After school, I returned to my apartment, but not for long. I packed a duffel bag with some school clothes and other items, including the little stuffed panda bear that I had gotten from Yuuko two days ago.

I had tried all day to tell myself that I wasn't lonely, but I had decided anyway to stay at Yuuko's, even if she wasn't there. Maru and Moro would be there, and even though they sometimes irritated me, their company was a lot better then the company of my empty apartment. But, I actually liked Maru and Moro. Mugotsu would be there too.

I forced a smile onto my face as I walked through the door, setting the bag at the entrance. Maru and Moro danced around me proclaiming that we were having a sleep over. Their smiles actually helped a bit.

So I cleaned, and still ate dinner alone. Maru and Moro were around, but they didn't really eat. And that was alright, because it was much better then being in my empty apartment.

I wondered what I would have been doing now anyway if I had been at my apartment, then I remembered I had homework. A history report that had been assigned last week and was due tomorrow. I hadn't even started it yet. Maybe it would be a good idea to take a look at it, so I went to get my school bag and pulled out the assignment, looking it over.

I didn't want to work on it right now, not at all.

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"Watanuki, I don't know what is going on outside of school, but your grades have been slipping, and you've been daydreaming in class. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to stay after school for extra help."

I stared at my teacher for a few minutes before replying,"I have a job; I can't stay after school."

She stared at me for a minute, looking rather sad. Why did all my teachers treat me like this? I knew it had to do with the fact that I lived on my own, that my parents...

I sighed, I couldn't think of anything else, and I knew I probably could use the extra help.

"Lunch time then. You should come here during lunch for a while."

I nodded, that would work, but then I wouldn't get to spend lunch with Himawari. It would be a full hour without seeing her smiling face. How could I spend so much time away from her? I rarely saw her anymore, and if I did, it was usually at lunch.

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I saw him again, walking toward the temple after school that day. He must not have archery, and didn't have to meet up with that girl he was tutoring. Maybe I should talk to Doumeki. I wondered if he missed being with me as much...

NO! I did NOT miss Doumeki!

I stomped down the road, a good distance behind him, not realising that I had been following him when I could have taken another route to Yuuko's shop.

What irritated me the most right then was that Doumeki knew I was behind him, and he still said nothing. So instead, I decided to speak up.

"Why the HELL are you following me!" I yelled, even though I knew he wasn't the one doing the following.

He stopped. He actually stopped. I thought he would turn around and say something to me, but instead he only sighed and continued walking again without a word.

I frowned, "Doumeki? Oi, Doumeki, are you ignoring me?"

I wanted to yell more, but I couldn't bring myself to yell. He still wasn't listening to me, and while I was irritated I think I actually wanted him to turn around, call me an idiot, tell me I was noisy, to just say something!

But no, just silence.

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Agony and Rapture Chapter 2

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 05:32:33 GMT

It was staring at me. Well, it really couldn't stare at me, considering it wasn't actually alive or anything. It was just a stuffed panda bear. Yet there it was, sitting on my bed, its glass beaded eyes searching me.

No, I was overreacting, right? Yes, that had to be it. I was overtired and overworked, and stressed out from school related things. This had absolutely nothing to do with a certain stoic jerk that had been ignoring me the past couple of days. Not at all!

Good, and now that that was sorted out, I can decide just how this silly stuffed animal made its way into my apartment.

I lifted it off the couch, looking it over until I found a tag. Yuuko-san. How had she gotten it into my apartment while I was at her shop? She was there with me the whole time, right?

Next to where the bear had been was a note.

Watanuki-kun, this is a little something to cheer you up! Make sure you sleep with him tonight!

I didn't need a stupid stuffed animal, especially not from Yuuko! And what did I need cheering up from? Nothing at all! I was perfectly fine! Why did everyone think that something was wrong?

The writing had changed when I looked back at the letter.

Oh, and Watanuki-kun, please come over early tomorrow morning to make me pancakes!

That was it! I crumpled up the note and threw it out, after tossing the stuffed animal back onto the couch. I then walked into the bathroom, stripping out of my school uniform along the way, deciding a bath would help calm me down.

I stopped to look in the mirror. I hadn't realised how I looked with the lack of sleep, my eyes blood-shot, dark circles appearing around them. Yuuko was keeping me much too busy recently. And there was a test coming up, right? Right.

So I took my bath, letting myself slip under the hot water as I stared at the ceiling. I had lost all track of time, just sitting there and soaking.

When I had finally gotten out and drained the tub, I went to my bedroom. And there it was, sitting by the folded futon. The stuffed panda bear.

What the hell?

"Stop stalking me, demon panda!" I yelled at it, and for some reason it seemed sad.

I picked up the toy, holding it against me, feeling just how soft it was against my bare chest. This was just silly. A stuffed animal could not get sad. But for some reason, holding it made me feel better.

I unfolded the futon, and set it down on top, then went to get my pajamas. Maybe I could sleep with it, just this once. So I did.

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I was running toward the shop at 7:00 the next morning. Not only had my alarm not gone off when I had wanted it to, but there were hungry spirits following me! And I could handle them myself, dammit! I was plenty fast, I did not need anyone to get rid of them, I have always ran from them, and I was still alive now!

I made the mistake of looking back, staring into its yellow eyes. Good thing Yuuko's shop was already in sight, or that might have been the end for me right there.

I sighed, setting my bag down near the entrance and slipping out of my shoes.

"I'm here," I remembered calling out. However, there was no anwser.

I knew I was late, and it was not like Yuuko to ignore me for being late.

After a few minutes, I found Maru and Moro, lounging about. They quickly informed me that Yuuko had gone out early with a customer and that she wanted the pancakes made anyway, but I could go to school as soon as they were done.

Something told me that she knew I was going to be running late.

I had them done as quickly as I possibly could, and ran off towards Cross Private High. I didn't see Himawari on the way, and the bell rang just as I reached the school grounds. Just great.

I slipped into home room and to my chair, hoping the teacher wouldn't notice. Lucky me, she wasn't even in the class room yet.

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Lunch was quiet, and I sat alone on the roof. Himawari was helping a teacher, Doumeki obviously off helping that girl. Or maybe there was kyudo practice during lunch today.

It didn't really matter, it's not like I cared where he was anyway. It was just that I was sitting there eating my lunch, with two extra bentos that no one else would be eating. Well, maybe Yuuko would eat them later. She loved my cooking almost as much as Doumeki, maybe more.

"Stop" I yelled at myself, "Don't think about him!"

I loved Himawari, right? Why was it getting harder not to think about Doumeki, especially when he hadn't been around for a few days. I did not miss him, why would I? I kept telling myself it was better when it was just Himawari and I, even if she was bad luck. I didn't care what anyone said about her, I'd stick by her anyway!

But, who was I trying to convince?

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I was home much earlier then expected that day. Yuuko wasn't home again, and I couldn't help but wonder where she was. And as usual, Maru and Moro were less then helpful, but it seemed that I had the day off. I knew that when I went back to work Yuuko would be working me extra hard, not that she hadn't been giving me extra to do recently anyway.

The fluffy little stuffed panda bear was sitting on the couch when I walked into the door, calling out that I was home, even though no one was there. No one was ever there.

I picked up the stuffed animal, and sat on the couch where it had been, setting it down on my lap as I sank back into the cushions.

Doumeki off with that girl again... and dammit! I was NOT jealous. Not at all! I didn't even know the girl's name, it was just some girl from that jerk's class that needed help studying for an upcoming test. And the test seemed like it would never come as I was slowly getting used to Doumeki not being around.

And for some reason, that felt wrong.

I was fine. There was nothing wrong. Everything was perfectly fine, except... It seemed that all the people that had always been around, just were not. I had not talked to Yuuko or Himawari all day, and I hadn't even seen Doumeki in days. Was everyone avoiding me?

Something wet dripped onto my lap as I hugged the bear close, telling myself that I wasn't crying, that I wouldn't cry. But then the tears came, and they wouldn't stop.

(Next Chapter)(Previous Chapter)

Agony and Rapture Chapter 1

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 06:19:54 GMT

Title: Agony and Rapture
Rating: PG-13 (will most likely go up)
Summary: When Doumeki starts tutoring a girl for math, he ends up spending more time with her, and less with Watanuki. Watanuki is NOT jealous. Really!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to clamp!
A/N: Um.. There aren't really any spoilers that I can think of, though this is supposed to take place after the more recent chapters... and so far no warnings either.. Beta'd by the wonderful lehst, I love you so much! I've been teasing daydreamer64 about this for over a week with no results and I am starting to feel guilty.. So I promise to compensate.. Send me a message, you know what the deal was... Anyway.. On to the story I guess...

My hand stretched out toward his back as he walked away, never turning around as I call out his name, never saying anything. Why didn't he ever talk? Why did he have to be so frustrating all the time? Why was he walking away from me right now? But the thing I really wanted to know was, why the hell did I care?

But for some reason, I wanted him to turn around. To come back and put an arm around me as I dropped to my knees.

Was I crying? Why? Why was I crying? I had no reason to cry, no reason to be sad. But.. The distance grew between us, and with each step he took, a hand gripped tighter on my heart. I was suffocating, I wanted to die.

"Please... Doumeki.. Come back.."

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"Watanuki-kun? Is something wrong? You look pale," came the sweet voice beside me.

I looked to the right at my angel, Himawari. How could I be thinking about him when the girl of my dreams sat beside me at this very moment?

That dream... seemed all too real. Like he was leaving, as if he would never come back. But that was supposed to be a good thing, right? If he wasn't around, I would get to spend more time with Himawari.

She asked again and I blinked before reassuring her that I was fine, plastering an all-too-fake smile on my face, that she pretended to think was genuine.

I picked up my bento, opening the box and pulling out chopsticks.

It was just Himawari and I, sitting alone at lunch today. I hadn't seen Doumeki at all, and I wondered if Himawari had. But it wouldn't be like me to ask her if she had seen him yet today, right?

"Doumeki-kun told me he wouldn't be joining us for lunch today. He is tutoring someone for an upcoming math test," Himawari stated as she ate her own store-bought lunch. It was as if she could read my mind, sense that I wanted to know where he was, even if I didn't know why myself.

I crossed my arms across my chest, and closed my eyes, letting out a slight sigh before proclaiming, "Good! Now I can have lunch alone with Himawari-chan!"

I don't know what was so funny, but soon Himawari was giggling, "Watanuki-kun is so full of energy, as usual."

I let my arms drop to my side, and turned to look at her again, this time not saying anything, but I smiled again, bringing my chopsticks to my lips.

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Lunch had been more awkward than normal that day, but even more awkward was the breif glance I got of Doumeki when school was over.

I watched as he walked off the school grounds, stopping once to look at me. He nodded slightly before turning off and walking in the opposite direction, almost as if he were avoiding me.

And of course, that made me furious.

I followed him for a moment, pulling on his arm so he would turn around and look at me.

"Oi, what do you want?" he asked in his usual monotone.

I narrowed my eyes.

"First of all, my name is NOT 'oi'!" I yelled, letting go of his arm and crossing mine over my chest, then I continued, "I don't care what you do with your free time, in fact, I think it's better when it is just me and Himawari-chan. I don't want you to think I need you around or anything, whether or not she is bad luck! And she is not bad luck to me! When I see her face, it makes me happy! Unlike some people I know!"

I don't know when he did it, but his hands were covering his ears, which only made me more angry as I grabbed him by the wrists, trying to pull them away from his head.

"Listen to me when I am talking to you!"

The look on his face was different now, and that was not normal. His eyes narrowed now, and he was pushing me away. And for some reason I felt scared now, letting my eyes widen as he leaned close to me.

For a moment, I thought he would actually yell at me, or hit me or something.

I stepped back, but all he did was sigh and turn around to walk away. Again, just like the dream.

That same feeling of dread filled my body once more and I began to feel weak. I wasn't angry any more. Why?

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"Please... Doumeki.. Come back.."

"Watanuki-kun! We need more sake!"

I looked out from the treasure room. I was supposed to be dusting, but still for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about the expression Doumeki had on his face before he walked away from me.

The dream.. it seemed to have become a reality. It was like I had predicted that Doumeki would leave me.

But was he really leaving me?

It sure felt like it.

I crossed my arms, "Stop thinking like that! You are better off without him around!"

Yelling at myself didn't help; it rarely did. Well, it never actually did. It never helped anything, no matter who I was yelling at. All it did was frustrate me more, but I couldn't stop. What had I done?

"Watanuki-kun! More sake!"

Yuuko-san was starting to sound more urgent.

I sighed and went about to look for another bottle of sake for my employer. She drank too much. Way too much.

"You know you are going to have liver problems if you keep drinking," I said to her as I handled the new, full bottle of sake.

The witch only smiled, "Are you worried about me, Watanuki-kun?"

"NO!" I yelled without thinking, stomping toward the door.

"Something is wrong."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

I stopped at the door, not turning around.

"Something is wrong. Something is going to happen, soon. You should probably stick close to Doumeki-kun."

A vein twitched in my forehead, "I DON'T NEED HIM!"

I didn't need to turn around to know that her smile had widened.

"You don't just need him to keep the spirits away, Watanuki-kun. It seems that you need him for other reasons as well. Why don't you like him?"

"I've told you before! Everything about him irritates me! EVERYTHING! Do I have to spell it out for you?"

She laughed, and I stiffened, realising she was standing right behind me. I jumped foreward, "What the hell?"

"Watanuki-kun. Something is going to happen. You really should think more about it."

(Next Chapter)

A Halloween Treat

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 04:52:52 GMT

A short story for you, Halloween themed! Enjoy!

"But... AREN'T WE TOO OLD TO BE DRESSING UP FOR HALLOWEEN?" Watanuki yelled back at his employer as a pair of black cat ears were placed on his head from behind.He turned around to see a fanged stoic boy behind him.

Watanuki frowned. How did he always get talked into these things?

"Nonsense!" Yuuko declared, triumphantly, "You are never to old to have fun! And don't forget to bring me back.."

"Sake, I know.. you told me earlier."

"You know, Watanuki-kun, it is rude to inturrupt others while they are speaking," Yuuko scolded, waving a finger at the bispecticaled teen. He grimaced as she listed off the other things she wanted for this Halloween party she was planning for that evening. And dinner .... which ended up being a multi-course meal.

It had to be Doumeki's fault, so he turned and began yelling at the stoic teen, who promptly covered his ears.

Yuuko let a wicked grin appear at her face before turning to walk back into the house as Watanuki and Doumeki were walking out into the night.

It was only about seven, but it was already dark out as they walked toward to grocery store to get the needed items to set up for the party.

As the walked, Watanuki mentally went over the list of what he needed. There was a fish dish, and she wanted sushi... and lots of sweets, in different shapes, including bats and butterflies. He still didn't get her fascination with butterflies, and wondered how that even fit into Halloween.

They didn't take long at the store, and were soon back at Yuuko's shop, Doumeki helping decorate as Watanuki went straight to cooking.

He was still cooking when guests started arriving, and Doumeki had been sitting in one of the chairs in the kitchen, just watching, and it was frustrating Watanuki to no end.

"Stop staring! If you are going to be in here, you might as well be helping me!" He yelled, rushing to try and finish decorating the sweets with frostings, sprinkles and whipped cream on some items.

Doumeki shrugged and continued staring, half listening to Yuuko greeting guests.

All the guests were different spirits or some sort of magical beings including humans with magical or psychic abilities. Maru and Moro danced about excitedly, and sometimes Mokona would come into the kitchen to ask Watanuki if the food was done yet (and Watanuki would flail about and shoo the little rabbit-like creature out of the room).

Only moments later, Maru and Moro were in the kitchen, looking over the meticulously decorated treats.

Watanuki was quick to try to shoo them off, but the souless twins sang that Yuuko wanted the food now just as he had dragged them to the door.

Watanuki sighed. Some of the food was already done, mostly snacks, so he brought that out for them, a few of the guests commenting on his costume. He turned bright red, running back to the kitchen as quickly as he could, without even looking at Yuuko. She was grinning like a cat...

"I hate that she made me wear this!" he yelled, pointing a finger at Doumeki.

"I think it looks cute," Doumeki monotoned, taking a sip of a drink Watanuki was sure he had not given Doumeki, one of the cookies in hand.

He took the cookie from Doumeki, "I'm not done making everything yet, and you are already sampling the sweats? And.. I AM NOT CUTE!"

Of course, the compliment made Watanuki blush more, and he denied that it had been a compliment. This was Doumeki after all, and he was most likely just teasing Watanuki. He sighed, returning to the decorating of the cookies. It was important that they looked presentable for Yuuko's guests!

"I think so," came the reply a few minutes later.

Watanuki dropped the pastry bag, completely ruining the decoration on the cookie he was working on.

"W-what are you saying? You make no sense, Doumeki!" He shouted, turning away to hide the blush from the other boy, trying to save the cookie that he had just killed the design on.

He heard the sound of the chair leg scraping against the floor behind him, and breathing near his neck only seconds later. Doumeki was right behind him, and Watanuki quickly tried to cover his face.

"What are you doing, Doumeki?" he demanded, trying to sound angry, though he was more embarassed.

"I want to see the face you are making."

He had heard that line before, and he had been blushing then too. He growled back at the taller boy, not movng his arms away from his face, but only seconds later, Doumeki had turned him around and pulled the arms away.

He looked up at Doumeki, trying his best to look angry, but completely failing. His entire face became red, and it was starting to feel much hotter in the room than it should have been, even with the fact that the stoves were on.

"Doumeki.. what are you doing?" he yelled again, still trying to regain himself.

His eyes widened at the other's reply, and he kept trying to tell himself that this wasn't really happening. It couldn't be!

An arm slipped around Watanuki's waist, pulling him closer to the taller boy, and Watanuki found himself submitting to Doumeki's kiss, his heart rate increasing rapidly.

Of course, the moment had to be interrupted by a certain rabbit-like creature bouncing onto Watanuki's head, and singing happily that Doumeki and Watanuki were 'lovey dovey'.

Watanuki broke away, shouting back at Mokona, and picking up the treats to bring them into the other room. Mokona had already fled.

Watanuki looked over at Doumeki, blushing again. He leaned up to kiss Doumeki's jawline.

"Want to come to my apartment later? We won't have any interruptions there."

Doumeki nodded.

Halloween Donuts Art

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 21:36:35 GMT

Happy Halloween! A present from me, to you!

104 Art

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:51:07 GMT

When I started drawing this, it was supposed to be used as a pic for the backround of my gaia profile. It will still be in my profile, but it looks a bit different there... I had a little too much fun with the image, but for some reason I can't help but think it is still incomplete. Any suggestions would be helpful!

Kyudo Club Drabbles: Batch Nine

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 18:56:38 GMT

We're getting close to the end of these 50 theme drabbles, finally on to batch nine which is 41-45. It seems we will be finished with them in the next couple of days. I have posted the pretty much the same intro up until now, so you know who the characters are, what they look like, act like, etc, no need to post that again. The drabbles are by request of sillyangelfaery when she asked for kyudo club fics (which will most likely actually be written now, since I have finally come up with an idea for it!) Anyway.. Here is 41-45, enjoy!

Watanuki, Doumeki, Himawari all belong to CLAMP, and we are not making money with this!

Shindou Tsumori and the arm holding him belongs to Matsumoto Ito
(Art by me)

41. Impeccable- DouWata
By: Senket

Watanuki was generally an exceptionally clean person. It was obvious as to why it had happened. He’d wanted to make his parents very proud, after all.

But, considering the high-stress life he was living, it was no wonder he occasionally messed up.

This morning he had eaten too quickly, and without the time to wash his face he came out with some sauce on the corner of his mouth.

Doumeki’s stare while he was locking the door wasn’t particularly unusual, so he didn’t think anything of it till he, upon trying to leave, felt himself dragged back and pushed against the door.

He blinked up into his boyfriend’s face, surprised with the intent expression in his eyes- Doumeki leaned forward suddenly, cleaning it up with his tongue.

“Better,” he murmured to himself, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he began the walk towards school.

Momentarily stunned, Watanuki didn’t say anything as he darted forward to catch up.

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41.impeccable (MatsuShin)
By: me

Shindou had hit the jackpot today, finding out one new thing about his boyfriend.

Matsumoto had always found more and more things to tease Shindou about, and now, with a sly smile, Shindou had caught him.

It had surprised Matsumoto at first that Shindou was a bit stronger then he looked, almost pinning Matsumoto on his stomach and actually .... tickling him. Matsumoto was incredibly ticklish, and facing away from Shindou, he was surprised to be having a hard time getting away.

After some wrestling, he finally pinned Shindou on his back. Shindou having actually put up quite a fight, Matsumoto decided that he wanted to do this again.

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42. Labyrinth- NabeHima
By: Senket

Himawari smiled lightly at Tanpopo as the bird fluttered about them, enjoying the feel of Watanabe’s fingers in her hair. “Do you think they’ll take much longer?” he asked softly, touching her cheek.

They were seated in a white-washed gazebo in the center of the botanical garden’s hedge maze, and had been for a few minutes. None of the other members of their party had arrived yet. “Watanuki doesn’t have the best sense of direction, and I get the feeling he’s leading.”

“And Matsu is probably purposefully messing Shindou up.”

They laughed quietly and shifted closer together. The young man took the opportunity to lean down and kiss her tenderly; she didn’t seem to mind.

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42. labyrinth (DouWata)
By: me

"She said it was back here somewhere," Watanuki said, leading Doumeki through Yuuko's store room.

He hadn't remembered it being this filled or this large the last time he had entered the room, and he wondered if it actually expanded with each new item added to the collection. And knowing Yuuko, she probably could make the room do that, after all, the house wasn't even really in their dimension.

After what seemed like forever, he finally came to the shelf that the item was on, looking it over with a frown.

There was a note attatched to a small package, saying, 'Don't open this until you get home, and make sure Doumeki-kun is with you!'

Watanuki flailed in protest.

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43. Mangled- Asaha
By: Senket

There was a long pause as Asaha stared down at the mess. Matsumoto was across from him, smiling nervously. “It… wasn’t my fault?”

The taller boy found himself with a face-full of backpack the next moment. “KEEP YOUR GODDAMN STRAYS AWAY FROM MY STUFF!”

Why Matsumoto had decided to hide the puppy he had found on the way to school in Asaha’s shoe locker remained to be seen.

One thing was for sure, though- the boy owed Asaha a new pair of sneakers.

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43. mangled (DouWata)
By: me

"Well, I guess it can't be helped," Watanuki sighed, looking over the cut of meat Doumeki had picked out and cut up. Watanuki had actually wanted to grill it whole, but for some reason Doumeki had wanted it chopped up and in a stew. But Doumeki was always making the food demands, and Watanuki more often then not complied.

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44. Protection- Kyuudo Club
By: Senket

The rest of the school had quickly learned not to bother with the grassier part of the courtyard at lunch. After all, it was always full with the Kyuudo club and their individual groups of friends, girlfriends, etcetera.

It had begun as an effort to keep members safe from the Kendo club- the feud had ended within a few days, due to the criminal conduct of a small group. That, however, had not disbanded their lunch routine.

Regardless of their separation the previous year, Kyuudo had quickly become the most tightly nit club on campus.

Thank you, Matsumoto.

Although it had to be admitted the boy rather needed the rest of the club about, so he could run or hide behind them more easily when he pissed off his boyfriend.

And he did it frequently

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44. protection (DouWata)
By: me

"So... what was in the package from Yuuko-san?" Doumeki finally asked after a while of just sitting on the couch after they arrived at the apartment a few hours later.

Watanuki blushed fiercely, looking away from Doumeki.

"I'm not telling you!"

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45. Boil- Shindou&Asaha
By: Senket

Asaha stared down into the water with a pout, pushing a small white thing with his chopsticks. “Why do I have to do this?”

“It’s Easter,” his long-haired cousin answered reluctantly, not turning around. “You know mom.”

“But its not like we’re faithful or anything.”

“Oh shut up,” he grumbled, though he was grinning. “Everyone knows you lo~ve painting the eggs.”

Asaha colored, throwing the wood he had been stirring with at the taller cousin. “Jerk!”

“Child!”

They grinned at each other and ducked their heads as Shindou’s smallest sister ran in, enthusiastically asking if they were going to color eggs already.

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45. boil (DouWata)
By: me

"Kimihiro, you are making dinner, right?" Doumeki asked, looking over toward the kitchen, where an odd hissing sound was coming from.

Watanuki swore under his breath, getting up and running into the other room to see the pot on the stove bubbling over, water spilling onto the stove.

He grabbed one of the kitchen towels, lifting the pot and putting it on another eye while turning the heat off on the other.

"Dammit.."